The
Overlooked Element in Good Sex
In the finger-on-the-lips experiment, the lubricant was saliva. Saliva is the world’s most popular sexual lubricant. It’s effective, available anywhere, and free. But saliva is also more watery than slippery. It dries quickly. And for pleasure enhancement, it’s just not as effective as commercial lubricants. For modest cost, lubricants can add new sensual zing to your lovemaking.
Unfortunately, despite lubricants’ easy availability, few people use them. In the landmark 1994 Sex in America survey, University of Chicago researchers asked women participants if lack of vaginal lubrication had been a problem for them during the previous year. Almost 20 percent said yes. In just a few seconds, lubricants can completely eliminate this problem. If 20 percent of American women complain about insufficient vaginal lubrication, clearly millions of prospective customers are in the dark about the value of lubricants.
Why don’t more people use lubes? Because most people believe that “normal” sex involves only the body, and nothing other than the body. As a result, many people consider lubricants “unnatural.” Nonsense. Lubricants are as natural as any other sex enhancer: candle light, soft music, fantasy hosiery, a glass of wine, a sexy video, or sex toys.
Many
Normal, Healthy Women Don’t Produce Much Vaginal
Lubrication
In the 1960’s, pioneering sex researchers William Masters, M.D., and Virginia Johnson described vaginal lubrication as an early sign of women’s sexual arousal. They maintained that the vagina produces lubrication fairly quickly as women become aroused. But for many perfectly normal, healthy women, vaginal lubrication takes much longer to appear, and when it does, there may not be much of it. Why not? Possible reasons include:
- Individual differences
Just as women’s heights vary, so does their production of vaginal lubrication. There is nothing wrong with women who don’t produce much. Some women just don’t self-lubricate very well. Women who become “too” lubricated may also feel abnormal, and suffer embarrassment about soaking the sheets. If this is an issue for you, try placing a towel or two under yourself.
- Age
Estrogen plays an important role in vaginal lubrication. Estrogen production begins to decline before menopause, and many women who had no trouble producing lubrication in their twenties and thirties notice decreased lubrication during their forties, when menopausal changes begin. After age fifty, many women experience persistent vaginal dryness.
- The Menstrual Cycle
Because estrogen influences vaginal lubrication, women often produce different amounts of lubrication at different times of the month.
- Childbirth
Again, because of hormonal fluctuations, some women have difficulty lubricating for a while after delivery.
- Stress
Everything from job hassles to relationship tensions can impair sexual response in both men and women. In men, the result may be erection impairment. In women, stress can reduce lubrication.
- Drugs
Many over-the-counter and prescription medications decrease vaginal lubrication. Some women report that birth control pills reduce lubrication. Antihistamines, cold formulas, and other medicines that dry the mouth also impair lubrication. Alcohol is another lubrication inhibitor. Cigarettes and marijuana can have a similar effect.
- Travel
Everyone knows that flying across time zones induces jet lag, but jet lag can interfere with lubrication.
- Extended Sex
Even women who produce a good deal of natural lubrication sometimes need more during extended sex.
Few people understand that some women don’t produce much natural lubrication, and that those who do may not under the circumstances above. Just as a man can love a woman deeply and not be able to raise an erection because of diabetes or heart disease, a woman can love a man and feel very turned on by him, yet be unable to produce much vaginal lubrication—especially after menopause, when vaginal dryness becomes common. If you’re a woman who does not produce much natural lubrication, mention this to your lover. Tell him it’s no reflection on him, or on your feelings for him.
It’s just the way you are—and it’s not a problem if you use a lubricant.
Lubrication
in Men
According to Master’s and Johnson, shortly before orgasm, the Cowper’s gland produces a few drops of lubricating fluid that moisten the head of the penis to help it slide comfortably into the vagina. But that is not necessarily true. All the factors that affect women’s ability to become lubricated also apply to men. In addition, men’s natural lubrication rarely covers any more than the head of the penis. Without additional lubrication, the shaft of the penis may become irritated during sex.
Four Kinds of Lubrication
There are four types of lubricants—water-based, oil-based, petroleum-based, and silicone-based. Each has advantages and disadvantages. Passion Parties has studied each type’s pros and cons and chooses to carry only water-based lubricants, as we feel it is the safest. RomantaTherapy® Revelation™ Lubricant, an exclusive Passion Parties lubricant, has the feel of silicone without the side effects.
Water-based Lubricants
Most sex lubricants are water-based, as are ones offered by Passion Parties. They typically contain water; glycerine, a syrupy-sweet emulsifier; propylene glycol, which helps the product retain moisture; and a preservative, typically methyl paraben, propyl paraben or grapefruit seed extract. All of Passion Parties’ lubricants are water based. Slip ‘N’ Slide is a male masturbation aid and is not considered a lubricant.
Water-based lubricants are safe for use on the vulva, clitoris and penis, and in the vagina and anus. They do not stain bed linen or clothing. It’s safe to ingest small amounts of water-based lubricants during oral sex. They are safe to use with latex condoms or diaphragms.
Although water-based lubricants are safe, some of the ingredients might cause irritation or allergic reactions in sensitive individuals. Water-based lubricants work fine on the genitals, but they are not designed to be used as massage lotions on large expanses of skin. Many water-based lubricants claim to be “taste-free,” but that’s not quite true. Glycerine has a slightly sweet taste. Grapefruit seed extract tastes slightly bitter. Some water-based lubricants come in different flavors to encourage playful use during oral sex. These products use FDA-approved food grade flavorings.
During extended lovemaking, water-based lubricants may dry out. You can apply more, or revive them with a little water or saliva. After sex, rinse water-based lubricants off with a warm, moist wash cloth.
Until the late 1990s, most water-based lubricants contained the spermicide nonoxynol-9. Then researchers discovered that nonoxynol-9 may increase the likelihood of transmitting HIV, and lubricant makers removed it from products.
Oil-based Lubricants
Oil-based lubricants include: vegetable oils (olive, corn, etc.), butter, and nut oils (avocado, peanut, etc.). Oil-based lubricants can be used both on the genitals and as massage lotions. They may be safely applied to the vulva, clitoris, and penis, and used inside the vagina and anus. Oil-based lubes are safe to ingest during oral sex. They are not recommended by condom manufacturers. Oil-based lubricants may feel more greasy than slippery. They may stain bed linens and clothing, and require soap and water to wash off. Passion Parties does not carry or recommend any oil-based lubricants.
Petroleum-based Lubricants
Petroleum-based lubricants are made from petroleum jelly, mineral oil, or petrolatum. These products include Vaseline® and baby oil. Petroleum-based lubricants destroy latex and should never be used with condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps.
In addition, petroleum lubricants should not be used inside the vagina. They are difficult to wash out, may irritate the vaginal lining, and change vaginal chemistry, increasing risk of infection. They should not be ingested, and may cause allergic reactions. Finally, petroleum lubricants may stain linens and bedclothes. Despite these drawbacks, many couples like petroleum-based lubricants, particularly for anal play. However, Passion Parties does not carry or recommend any petroleum-based lubricants.
Silicone-based Lubricants
Silicone lubricants are a personal adaptation of more industrial silicone lubricants (like WD-40). Slip 'n Slide is Passion Parties' condom-compatible silicone lubricant with a non-sticky, silky texture. The long lasting formula is ideal for marathon lovemaking sessions and adventurous sex. As an added benefit, Slip 'n Slide does not contain allergens or microbes that allow bacterial growth.
In the past, Passion Parties has not promoted the use of silicone lubricants due to concerns from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). However, recent studies have proven that pure silicone lubricant, like Slip 'n Slide, is perfectly safe for use. The three ingredients that make up Slip 'n Slide – cyclomethicone, dimethiconol and dimethicone – have all been approved by the Cosmetic, Toiletry and Fragrance Association (CTFA), the organization that regulates these products.
Note: Silicone will not harm latex as petroleum-based lubricants will, but silicone-based lubricants can harm toys made from silicone or FutureFlesh.
Practical Tips for Using Lubricants
For comfort, do not apply lubricants directly on a partner’s genitals. Even at room temperature, they feel cold and disconcerting, and distract from enjoyment. Instead, squeeze a little into your hand, rub it with your fingers to warm it up, and then apply. When lubricants are applied warm, they feel better and immediately enhance the erotic mood. Keep lubricant within easy reach during lovemaking. To avoid feeling that it’s an interruption, keep fondling your partner with one hand when you reach for the lube with the other.
Speaking of interruption, lubricants don’t interrupt sex. On the contrary, they provide a sensual pause in the sex that can heighten arousal. The beauty of music involves more than just the notes. It extends to the silences between the notes.
Similarly, sexual pleasure comes not only from intimate caresses, but also from the moments between them as lovers savor the fondling they have just experienced and anticipate additional touch. Some skeptics view the time it takes to apply lubricant as a series of interruptions. Not at all. These brief interludes are erotic breaks that invite lovers to savor one another and their time together.
Apply Lubricants:
Most sex lubricants are water-based, as are ones offered by Passion Parties. They typically contain water; glycerine, a syrupy-sweet emulsifier; propylene glycol, which helps the product retain moisture; and a preservative, typically methyl paraben, propyl paraben or grapefruit seed extract. All of Passion Parties’ lubricants are water based. Slip ‘N’ Slide is a male masturbation aid and is not considered a lubricant.
- On the clitoris and vulva.
Women’s natural vaginal lubrication may not make it all the way up to the clitoris. A little lube greatly enhances clitoral and vulva caresses.
- On the penis.
Lubricant adds an extra dimension to caressing men’s genitals. During vaginal intercourse, try lubricating both the vagina and the penis. When a well-lubricated penis enters a well-lubricated vagina, the connection during intercourse is comfortable—and can be electrifying.
- On the nipples.
In both men and women, erotically aroused nipples are exquisitely sensitive to touch. A few drops of lubricant make them even more so. Massage lotions can also add lubricant-like sensuality to nipple and breast caresses.
- Between the breasts. Many couples enjoy pressing the breasts together, and inserting the penis between them. Try lubricating this sexy passage.
- On and inside the anus.
The most common complaint about anal sex is “it hurts.” One reason it hurts is lack of lubrication. Unlike the vagina, the anal canal produces no natural lubrication. It’s also a smaller, tighter opening. Lubricants are a must for enjoyable anal play. Use lubricant liberally in and around the anus and on whatever enters it—a finger, penis, or sex toy.
Note: Some lubricants specifically formulated for anal play contain an anesthetic (lidocaine or benzocaine), to help reduce discomfort. Be careful with these products. Discomfort is the body’s way of saying that something is wrong.
- During masturbation.
A few drops of lubricant can boost the pleasure of solo sex.
- On sex toys.
Lubricants enhance the pleasure of vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys. Without lubrication, vaginal irritation and anal discomfort are real risks. We suggest that every toy that Passion Parties sells be used with lubrication.
- With condoms.
Most condoms come lubricated with silicone powder. But for many people, this dusting of silicone does not provide enough lubrication to allow easy insertion and prevent vaginal irritation. Use any lubricant with condoms other than a petroleum-based product. To increase the man’s pleasure even more—and to minimize the complaint that condoms dull sensitivity—before you roll the condom onto his penis, rub a little lube into the head of his penis. Don’t cover his shaft with lubricant, or else the condom might slip off.
Lubrication Products
Passion Parties offers several excellent lubricants. Each has its own features and benefits, and you may find you enjoy one over the other. Or you may find that they’re all good.
